Smokie my boy

I did post this on CW forum,so I thought that I would post it here also.
It's now nearly three years since my beloved Smokie passed away.
He was 15 years old and I'd had him since he was a kitten, he was a gentle loving cat who trusted me totally. He had never had an illness in his life. We were never apart, only when I went on holiday he had to go into kennels, but the love I got from him on my return was wonderful.
One morning I woke up and let him in for his breakfast, when I noticed something on his tummy. It was a lump and it had somehow come from the inside of him and looked very sore. Took him to the vet, my regular vet was off that day, and she said it was a harmful lump, maybe a cyst and he was booked into the hospital the next day. Took my boy into the hospital and was told to call back later, which I did, and was told that he might have breast cancer. I was in total shock at this point, couldn't believe what I was hearing, didn't think a male cat could get that. She explained that the lump had been removed and sent off for testing. We had to wait for a week for the results.
We did get the results and it was cancer. My beautiful boy had cancer. He went back to the vet a couple of weeks later and she said he would need another operation to take the rest of the cancer out. My poor boy had to go through yet another op and with him being 15 weren't sure if he was strong enough to cope.
Anyway after his op the cancer was gone, and he had to have checkups every other week. Six months down the line we discovered he had more lumps, it had come back, and also spread to his lungs.
There was nothing else we could do for him but to have him put to sleep. I knew that morning before we went to the vet's that he wasn't going to come home, as he had gone really thin and wasn't himself, I think he knew his time was up.
I will never forget the look on his face when I left him at the vets that day, which I regret deeply not staying with him. I couldn't stay with him, it upset me to much to see him like that. Think of him everyday and miss him terribly.
Rest in peace my beautiful boy. 1990-2005

Please don't beat yourself up over not staying with him, you did what was right at that time Lynn. He would have picked up on how upset you were and it could have made it more traumatic. As it was he prob assumed he was simply going to have another op and would have went to sleep peacefully, not knowing. He knows that you love him dearly and only did the best for him.

Sleep well, Smokie and run and play over the bridge, until your mum comes to collect you. xxx

Oh Lynn, that was so sad for you and Smokie, the shock must have been awful. We always just want our lovely pets to pass away in their sleep peacefully but so often it doesn't happen like that and we have to make that decision. But you did the only kind thing there was to do, no one wants to see them suffer. It's so sad but as time goes on we can remember them amd smile.

Oh, Lynn... big hugs to you! Don't worry, Smokie knows why you didn't stay with him in the end, and he'll understand.

Sweet dreams, beautiful Smokie! May you be happily chasing those butterflies!

Thank you all for your lovely replies. He has a special place in my heart, he was loved so much. We both totally trusted and needed each other. He was there when I needed someone to talk to.

Pokbg thank you so much for the lovely siggie of my boy. It really is beautiful.

Rest in peace Smokie, such a beautiful boy and sounded so special. xx

Continue to rest in peace sweet smokie.
Hope you playing with all your friends over rainbow bridge

It is four years today that my boy was put to sleep and I still miss him dreadfully. Reading back my original post has now got me in tears, he was a wonderful boy with so much love to give.
I miss you so much Smokie and think of you each day. RIP my darling beautiful boy.

Lynn, my thoughts are with you on this day. I am close to tears thinking about it. He was such a special boy, and no doubt you will feel like this every anniversary of his death, as you wont (and dont want to) ever forget him. ((( hugs))) His dear sweet face in your sig. pic is always so serene.

((((hugs))))))

RIP beautiful boy. x