What am I going to do (help)

Saffy and Lilly are not getting along together at all*sobs*.
It's all started about 2 months ago now saffy is over a year old, she is so dominant and aggressive towards Lilly it's awful and Lilly being such a nervous and jumpy cat she is living on her nerves and hardly eating it's so sad to see.

Saffy hates Lilly being in the same room as her if she is and Saffy sees her all hell brakes out, Saffy jumps on her and bits her till Lilly is screaming and she will not stop till I go and separate them, then she stalks her constantly and poor Lilly don't know what to do.
When I feed them I have to feed them separately otherwise Saffy will not let Lilly eat any of the food and if she try's to Saffy really go's mad with her.

Lilly is spending more and more time upstairs just to be out of Saffys way, even when she comes down to use the loo saffy sits outside the loo till she comes out and then pounces on her.

I'm at my wits end I really don't know what to do to make it better between them, I feel so sorry for Lilly she has lost weight and gone so quiet, I know it's awful to say but some times I think it was the wrong thing to do bringing Saffy home.

God reading back what I have just written sounds as if I don't like Saffy at all but honestly that's not the case, she's a lovely little girl loving nothing more that sitting on my lap in the night, I just think Lilly is such timid cat she knows she cat get away with being a bully to her, with the other cats around here Saffy loves them and is always playing with them it's just Lilly she hates.

Ok, first of all take a deep breath. It all started 2 months ago, stop me if I'm wrong, but were you guys not basically going through hell then? So they could have picked up on the stress and with the recentish move, they've prob been unsettled and are trying to find their routine again and Saffy is prob taking it out on Lilly. Sounds like she's confirming to her that that she is alpha cat. I think I'd be tempted to leave them be a little longer and see if they settle down once they know there's no more changes and that you're now feeling a bit more settled etc. There's always the old feliway diffuser too and even trying some calm'ums or whatever its called (you'll know more than me) in Saffys food? See if that calms her down as she could just be acting out as she's unsure of things?
Give it a bit more time, and if all else fails and Saffy just needs to be an only cat, then as hard as it is, Lilly was there first and you are in a perfect position to rehome her. It would be awful if it came to this, but we all know that you would not take this decision lightly and if you do go down this road it will be for both of their best interests so don't tear yourself apart, you will only be doing what is right by everyone and Saffy is still young enough to settle quickly enough in another household as an only cat. Oh Nic, Nic! This is so horrible for you ((((((((hugs)))))))))) You know you will have everyone on here's backing no matter what you do. (((((hugs)))))

nicola wrote:God reading back what I have just written sounds as if I don't like Saffy at all but honestly that's not the case, she's a lovely little girl loving nothing more that sitting on my lap in the night, I just think Lilly is such timid cat she knows she cat get away with being a bully to her, with the other cats around here Saffy loves them and is always playing with them it's just Lilly she hates.

Rofl! Just read this! Aye, I know what you mean, I often ready back what I've wrote about mine and think it sounds like I hate them! lol! (Of course at stupid o clock in the morning... I do! )

If anything tho, this is good, that Saffy gets along with other cats, strike what I said in my reply before about being an only cat. ((((hugs)))))

Oh Nic Nic. You must be so worried and upset, but I can only "ditto" what the Wonderfully Wise Helen has said. Give it a little longer, but you will do what you have to do, to make BOTH cats happy, and we will be behind you all the way. Kath for one, will know what you are going through, due to the decision she had to make about the wonderful Teddy.
Dont ever think that we think you dont care about Saffy. It is clear what a kind and loving girl you are to all your animals (and other peoples). (((hugs ))) xxxxxxxxx

Hi Nicola,

Don't be in too much of a rush to do anything more than you're doing already, hopefully it'll just be a phase Saffy is going thro'. I know this probably isn't practical, especially if your not at home, but if you could somehow keep them apart while your out, even if this means locking them in seperate rooms, at least Lily will be able to relax in her *own space*.

Something must have happened to trigger this off, maybe as Helen suggested, all the recent upheaval. Get yourself a water pistol of some kind, a quick squirt on Saffy the moment it looks like she's going to pounce can't do any harm and may just persuade her think twice before doing it.

Ian

I presume they are both spayed, anyway get some liquid Avena Sativa from the health food shop, and every time they start put a bit on the front of their front paws, they'll lick it off and it will calm them.

Oh Nicola, you must be heartbroken about this, but I too think it could all have something to do with the upheaval you've been through. Moving house is a major stress factor for cats, so I think Saffy is probably unsure of everything and is taking out on Lilly.

As Ian suggests just carry on doing what you have been doing and give it a bit longer, try the feliway, but that takes about a month to see any benefit so you have to be patient. Try giving both of them reassurance all the time, and maybe put down two or three trays so that Lilly can use one hopefully without Saffy noticing.

If and it's a long shot, but if you do need to rehome one I too would say it should be Saffy, apart from being the last one in, she sounds more confident than Lilly, so will settle easier. Don't beat yourself up about it, these things happen so often, just remember how you saved her life and have loved her all this time. There is no gaurantt that when we take in another cat, that they will settle, it's a gamble.
Give it another few weeks and then have a re-think.

Thank you so much everyone x
I have just ordered a few feliway's and am going to give it a while to see if that makes things better, the thing is there are 3 litter trays in the house but they will only use the one the other 2 they will not go near them lol.

As much as we both love Saffy we could never ever re home Lilly she has been with us since she was born and not only that she would never settle somewhere else with other people (not that we are thinking of re homing Saffy at the moment) I am going to try everything in my power to sort this out.
Like you have all said this could be down to moving house and all the stress we have been under as I know animals do pick up on things like that so for the moment I'm going to leave things alone and see if they settle down together.
Again thank you and I'll keep you updated on what is happening with them.

fingers crossed things settle down and peace can reign once more, or as much as it can with cats! lol!

Aye, sounds very sensible Nic, and we all know you'll do everything in your power for them, as you always have done. (((hugs)))

Well last night they were as bad as ever with each other so I put some of the liquid Avena Sativa I had from the health food shop (thanks Audrey) on both their front paws, Lilly was so chilled out it was so funny but it did not do anything for Saffy and she just kept on bullying Lilly so in the end I had to put Lilly upstairs with me.

The feliway's have come today so I have them plugged in and I booked Saffy into the vets next week for a check up just to make sure she's ok and not bullying Lilly for some other reason other than she's just a little sod.

Rofl! My monies on 'little sod'. Aww bless chilled out Lilly! Well, at least you know you can give it to her if there's any stressful situations coming up. Maybe you need a tranquilizer dart full of it for Saffy.
Is kind of a double edged sword with the vets visit isn't it? I hope she's fine. but then again. if it was something simple that was wrong that could be rectified and then she stops bullying Lilly.. that would be great! (You know what I mean.. I'm not wishing harm on Saffy, it just would be a nice easy answer)
Good luck Nic! x